January 11th, 2005

Attention W**-M**T Shoppers

1. Don't all go to the checkout at the same time. Why do you do this?
2. If you park your cart perpendicular to the aisle, I will taser you. If you don't understand what I mean by this, I will taser you some more.
3. I don't work for W**-M**T. You will notice this by the fact that I don't wear that dorky blue vest. Get it through your thick heads quickly, now.
4. If you hate this store so much, why are you here? Go shop somewhere else instead of loading up your cart while complaining.
5. Associates are really trying to get you out of the store as soon as possible, while leaving some of your cash behind. If they are nice to you, it is only because of this. Leave your illusions of the friendly neighbourhood store at home, get your shopping the FUCK done in an organized manner, pay and get the FUCK out.
6. Put that damn magazine back from where you got it, you lazy ignorant asshole.
7. Leave your children at home, or in a central warehouse with everyone else's kids. Kids hate to shop. It shows when they scream.
8. In every store on the planet, if you have a piece of garbage, take it to the cashier. She has a garbage she can throw it in. DO NOT leave your snot-filled kleenexes or empty Tim's cups wherever you please. Were you raised by wolves?
9. If you shoplift at the magazine rack, you will get caught. Loser.
10. When leaving the store, if the greeter speaks to you, smile and nod or reply if you have sufficient brain cells to do so. The greeter does his job well and gets paid diddly-squat, the least you can do is be civil, it won't kill you. Actually this one applies to all W**-M**T employees.

There will be a quiz later, and then I will take you all shopping at the blue monster to check your etiquette. You have been warned.
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