February 24th, 2005

You Should Know Better Than To Ask Questions

So, Dawn asked the world some questions. One of them is, "Why do I always pick the cart at the supermarket that has an extreme pull to one side? Or a squeaky wheel? Or LACK of a fucking wheel?"

Because I am an enormous busybody and a professional cart user, I will attempt to answer and discuss.

Part of the problem may be shopping at the wrong time of day. Here's a scenario: Person picks a cart and drives it through the store for a moment. They see it's crappy and leave it behind themselves in the aisle. The cart sits around all day, then is collected at the end of the day. Therefore, the worst carts are always at the head of the queue when the carts are collected. What you need to do is give your prospective cart a quick examination before taking it.

1. As you walk up to the cart queue, look at the cart's back wheels. If they aren't both facing the same direction, don't take it. The primary problem is when these wheels are bent inward or to one side.

2. If the cart looks OK, pull it out of the queue, hold it with one hand and shake it gently to the left and right. A good cart will not jiggle side to side more than a couple inches. A bad cart will feel like it's going to tip over.

If your cart doesn't meet these two criteria, chuck it to the side and pick another. This sounds way more complicated than it is. Plus, the other lazy assholes in the store will take the lousy cart you chucked aside. Ha ha!