October 19th, 2005

Advanced Automotive Theory 33

Yes, this is the remedial Grade Twelve class for you Albertans.

Here's the scenario: There's an accident on a major four-lane artery, blocking up three lanes. So everyone must get over into the far left lane to get by. Now, you are already in the far left lane. You are thinking this is a stroke of good luck for you. The lesson here today is, it isn't.

You see, someone ahead of you will let someone else in from the right lanes. That person will in turn let someone in and this behaviour will continue until other people figure out that it's easier to get out of the left lane, drive up a bit, and rely on the fact that some nose-picker will wave you in ahead of where you were before. This also means that the people who realized first and decided to merge left soonest are the people who get fucked up the ass by "courteous" drivers.

The short of it is: For Every Driver You Treat Courteously, You Fuck Another Driver In The Ass. Don't think you're going to Heaven for letting people merge in front of you. It doesn't make you a good person. It just makes you someone who doesn't understand how the situation is SUPPOSED to work.

Here, my friends, is how we all get past an accident quickly and safely:

1. DON'T EVER FUCKING RUBBERNECK. Drive on, you sick fuck.

2. Drive up to the accident in the blocked lane as far as you can and stop.

3. The idea is that one car in the clear lane goes, then one car in the blocked lane goes, repeat ad nauseam. Everyone knows that their turn is coming and no one tries to get ahead because we all know our fucking PLACE.

Does this make sense?
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